Spirituality

If you are a person of faith, this section is for you. But keep in mind that terms like 'spirituality' and 'faith' do not necessarily mean organized religion.

When a crisis occurs, many people turn to God for strength. They pray passionately. They put their problems in God's hands.

This was the case for Dan and his wife, Elizabeth, when their son Daniel was diagnosed with an optic glioma. Dan says: "We sat in the (hospital) room in shock. I told the doctor that I was raised in church. I told (him), 'You do what you have to do-we're going to call the church and have them pray.' Without that thought, we would have been totally devastated."

Other people feel angry with God for letting the crisis happen. They feel punished for their wrongdoings, lost and unable to pray. More than 20 years ago, Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" in response to his own child's fatal illness. He struggled with the questions why me and why my child-the same questions that plague many parents who learn that their child has cancer, that a tumor has caused unfixable damage, that treatment has caused other health problems, that life is not always fair. For Rabbi Kushner, peace came when he realized that his God does not cause cancer in children-that some bad things happen for no good reason at all, but God gives people the strength and courage to cope.

According to Reverend Richard Gilbert, spirituality is the art of staying connected-to yourself, to others, to your world and to your God. Spirituality is a journey. The journey continues as you climb the mountain with your child to overcome cancer.

Whether you immediately seek God's embrace, come to Him slowly, or hold on to your anger, your spiritual self will help you find meaning in this cancer experience and integrate it into your life. Cancer affects you, how you relate to others, how you view your world and relate to your God. May peace be with you on your journey.

Your child, as a cancer survivor, may also struggle with issues of spirituality. Being a listening presence to him or her supports your child's concerns about spirituality.

As caregivers and parents, one does not have to always have all the answers, especially when it comes to the big question: why did this happen to me? Provide an environment that fosters the survivor's development of an independent spiritual identity. A positive influence can help him or her feel comfortable sharing feelings and their sense of who they are spiritually. Integration of the strong feelings associated with battling cancer marks the beginning of creating a safe place for the survivor to feel at ease in engaging his or her spirituality or faith.

In coping with late-effects issues, remember that for survivors, their diseases have become part of who they are, how they respond to the world and how and why they have made certain decisions. The spiritual lives of survivors and their families directly influence how they have coped, survived and now look forward to the future. Therefore, it's helpful not to place limits on how to handle late effects. There's no set formula that fits each person; each spiritual journey is unique.